I constantly wrestle with my inner slightly naughtier version of myself. However, the older I get…well let’s just say my filter is becoming cracked and brittle with age and I’m starting to feel like I should just go with it. So would it REALLY be wrong if I…

…agreed with the next person who tried to guess my kid’s age. 
-Oh she is SO tiny, how old is she? 9 months right? I can’t believe she is walking already.

Normal me usually just says something like:
–Ha ha no, she is just small she is 11 months, her sister is small too, blah blah blah.

Evil me wants to say:
-Oh…she’s 8 1/2 months.

…messed with people who make general observations.
-Wow they are really close together in age huh?
Actually, they happen to be fraternal twins…one is just much more petite then the other.

-Wow your kids look really similar to each other.
Genetics sure is funny that way.

-Oh she’s walking already?
You should see her front handspring…we’re working on sticking the landing.

–You sure have your hands full. (Bonus points if I’m wearing a baby, carrying a diaper bag, and trying to push a stroller through a door at the same time and the person making the comment is yukking it up while I whack myself in the crotch repeatedly while trying to open said door)
Yup, lucky for me. Otherwise, I’d have the ability to make a rude gesture that I don’t want to have to explain to my two year old later on.

…said what I was really thinking. 

 – Oh you know how kids are
Kids, yes…future sociopaths not so much, let me know how those future therapy bills treat you.