I’m a little worried that my mind is starting to go. I forget things like…oh hey MY AGE! I seriously thought that I was turning 32 next month until my own mother gave me the side-eye and reminded me that she had in fact birthed me almost 33 years ago. Harbinger of me wandering around sans pants on the street or just a symptom of having 2 toddlers who are not on the same sleep schedule. Also sidebar, 33 when the hell did that happen?

Let’s see what else…I sometimes call the niblets by the wrong name. Though that could be because I was an idiot and picked names that start with totally different consonants and yet sound remarkably similar when trying to say them super fast…ohymygoodwhatareyoudoinggetoffofyoursistersheisnotapony.

I have this Mom’s One Line a Day book that is meant to write down daily thoughts and I always forget to do it every night. So it ends up that once a week I try to fill in what I’ve missed. Except, I can’t always freaking remember every little thing. I once realized I missed two days in April and despite checking with Facebook, my Gmail, and texts, I could not remember what the heck happened on those days. I also can’t remember when certain milestones occurred for the baby book for either kiddo.

“When did they discover they had hands”

Uh…birth? Maybe after they had way too much milk and decided to entertain themselves by wiggling their fingers? Did this hands thing play out like a stoner movie and I just missed it? Should that have been subtitled for those of us too obtuse to recognize the hand discover? Was there supposed to be some sort of epic background music?  My baby books also have spots for baby babble for every month. Does a level 5 Atomic brown count as babble? Am I too forgetful of a parent? Should I have remembered every single minute of their existence? Am I losing my mind, or has the effects of nearly 3 years of odd waking in the middle of the night just rendered me temporarily sleep drunk?

Someone pour me a damn coffee.