Like most people, I’m always vaguely annoyed when a phone book lands on my doorstep. The phone book is pretty much just a waste of paper to me, since it lacks the ability to check reviews (Yelp has pretty much ruined me for life). However, I always assumed it just showed up out of some dude’s van or crawled forth out of the ground like a Stephen King novel.

Turns out I was sort of right. Yesterday, we were walking around our neighborhood for some fresh air, exercise, and malaria if the mosquito levels in Florida have any say so. We noticed a um…well character. She (?) was tall and lanky and walked hunched over a cigarette and was wearing micro shorts and a boy beater and sort of shuffled along as she dragged a shopping cart. My husband and I sort of gave each other the stare when you attempt to have a conversation with your eyes (do we have a homeless problem in our suburban gated community…is that a meth head…where are her pants). We then both looked IN the shopping cart and recognition dawned in our eyes and we saw that the shopping cart was full of phone books.

We promptly crossed the street because phone books aside, this chick looked like she actually MIGHT be on something that wasn’t sunshine and rainbows and we had our niblets with us.  When we turned the corner we saw her partner who was dressed almost identical only with a shaved head (skinny, shorts, wife beater, cigarette, and a shopping cart). We crossed paths with them several times and their entire manner was just OFF. It was just past dusk and they would shuffle up to a house, put a book down slooowly, shuffle back and then stare at the home from their shopping carts parked in the middle of the road for a few minutes before slowly blinking and then writing something down on a pad. It was a lot like this dude, only with a tank top and the Yellow Pages. I’m just trying to figure out how these two skinny tweaker types got 2 shopping carts loaded up and delivered into our neighborhood when i can barely lift my freaking duallie stroller into the back of the car #firstworldproblems.

I must have my Yellow Pages

Update: Ours finally crawled its way out of the shopping cart and appeared on my doorstep this morning. Apparently these are Century Link, DEX books…whatever that is.