Ah the terrific twos. Something we didn’t really appreciate so much when we had a two year old and an infant. It seems the differences between my first born and my second are so much more apparent with a 3 year old and a 2 year old. We fondly call our 2 year old Honey Badger since at 2 year old, Honey Badger doesn’t give a shit.

3 year old: Arranges her dolls and stuffed animals carefully around her bed.
HB: Tries to sleep with the junk mail

3 year old: Will tell every single person she meets her entire name and then will introduce all of her family members and tell them our names and relationships to her. “This is Brie, but I call her Mom”.
HB: When you ask her name she will either give her sister’s name or answer to the name Fluttershy (damn you My Little Ponies).

3 year old: Carefully brushes her teeth and then insists on proving it by blowing minty breath your way.
HB: Hides her toothbrush and tells you that “dinosaurs ate it”.

3 year old: Uses her toys to play and is very good at treating them well
HB: Uses her toys as a weapon (Lalaloopsy dolls have proven to be an effective self defense weapon around these parts).

3 year old: Is very proud of doing her preschool books and loves putting stickers on her workbook pages.
HB: Will sticker the hell out of the floor if she finds them.

3 year old: Went through a biting phase when she was 2
HB: Has zero escalation. The word no will launch a screaming ninja banshee child on your back faster then a rapid squirrel on a nut.

Fortunately, the “terrible” part of the twos is completely balanced by her climbing in my lap and giving me smooches while telling me she loves me. I’d say we exist in a state of 60/40 right now with 40% being badger. Luckily, she’ll be 3 eventually.

For those of you who haven’t seen the original Honey Badger. Note there are some NSFC words (Not safe for Children).